Feb 27, 2018
The delegation this year consisted of not-eleven athletes, set to participate in the following sports: Winter Root Vegetable Harvesting, Reading While Very Cold, the Paper Bridge Ski Jump, Couples Ice Sher, Downhill Blotes, 2 2 Unlike the related sport of Moguls, Blotes involves splashing back and forth between partially frozen mud puddles in between jumps over larger, muddier mud puddles. and Speed Balegoles. The not-twelfth member of the team was unfortunately disqualified from competition due to high levels of opiates present in a urine test. The athlete insists this is only a result of her mon-based diet.
Even more unfortunate is the fact that the team never even made it to the Parade of Nations [mitsad ha’umes] in the opening ceremony, as the athletes at the time were only seven hours into their scheduled pre-games debate about whether they were “a delegation from Yiddishland” or “the delegation from Yiddishland.” And of course half of the team had already walked out in the second hour of the debate, having argued that even cultural nationalism without a state or territory is still nationalism and as internationalists they could not, therefore, participate. 3 3 This reporter was unable to verify the claim that the internationalist splinter group approached Team Esperantujo, only to be rebuked by the team captain who allegedly responded to their request, “Fe!” The remaining athletes had not even come to the matter of whether to allow the athlete from Birobidzhan to carry his own flag or whether he must compete as “the Olympic athlete from Birobidzhan.”
We can only look forward to the upcoming 5780 tokye goyishe-nakhes-fun-nakheslandiad, and hope that the team has come to a resolution by then. Of course, there are no known Yiddishland athletes who might qualify for any summer sports.
אַ פֿריילעכן פּורים, לייענרס!
a freylekhn purim, leyeners!