Mar 09, 2020
March 9, 2020, New York City.Noted Yiddish author and playwright Sholem Aleichem surprised the political world by signaling a late bid for the Presidential nomination of the Democratic party. At 161 years old, Aleichem is thought to be among the oldest in the field. Pundits believe that his late entry could disrupt the delicate balance in the race much like an oversized kneydl disrupts digestion.
Asked about his platform, his campaign manager, Tevye the Dairyman indicated that Sholem Aleichem’s platform would be based on forging a wide and deep coalition. “A bird may love a fish, but do they really have a political home?” Tevye pondered.
Sholem Aleichem defies political labels, as he supports both territorialism and Zionism. His staff believes that his efforts to promote modern Yiddish literature and describe and gently critique rapidly changing shtetl life in tsarist Russia will resonate with today’s youth as well as the elder borscht belt crowd. He hopes his inclusive and hopeful message, “The Bible tells us to get along with our neighbor, but if his dog barks, muzzle him” will attract waves of both centenarians and millennials to the polls.
Critics claim that a candidate has never successfully been nominated entering the race after Super Tuesday. Yet his campaign is notoriously optimistic in the face of adversity. A campaign staffer, Menachem Mendl, explains that the campaign will soon come into a lot of money; he’s expecting a groyse gevins. “Don’t you understand?” he asks, “It’s a wheel and it turns! Certainly there are many more details, but I don’t have time and I will make this short. We’ll win this race.”
His campaign has received mixed reviews with some thinking that the grumpy old Jewish male demographic has already been adequately represented in this crowded field. Others claim that having passed away 104 years ago, will make his path an even more difficult climb. In response, his campaign quoted one of his earlier works. “I’m the sort of fellow to whom life and death are the same.”
As for the coronavirus and the volatile stock market, Sholem Aleichem offers this advice: “Laughter is healthy.Doctors prescribe laughter.”